Kiss imposter syndrome goodbye

Strategy Talks is a NEW social media strategy TALK SHOW, hosted by Dorien Morin-van Dam. Dorien was joined by her first guest, Kristen for an honest conversation about IMPOSTER SYNDROME.

Below, please find the 20 minute video + full transcript.

TRANSCRIPT

Dorien:

Hello, everybody. Welcome to the first episode of Strategy Talks. I am so excited. We're going to talk today about imposter syndrome with a very special guest. This being the first episode, this is a perfect topic, right? Why did I, who has been in the social media sphere for many, many years not start my own show before?

Well, guess what? Imposter syndrome is real, alive, and right here amongst all of us. So if you are watching this live, thank you so much. Let us know where you're joining us from. If you're watching this on the replay, put #replay in the comments and for those of you who are joining us as a podcast, and if you are here listening, I just want you to know, we appreciate you as well. So in episode one, we're going to talk about imposter syndrome and what it means.

I'm going to bring in my special guest today, a long time friend, who I've invited to be on my podcast first. And I am just so excited to have her join us. Welcome to Kristen Daukas. How are you, Kristen?

Kristen:

I'm good, thank you. I'm so excited I'm first. Woo.

Dorien:

Yay. So we're going to be talking about 'kiss imposter syndrome goodbye'. But before we do, I want our listeners and our viewers to know who you are. So let me just pull up your bio and let everybody know who you are. Kristen Daukas of Say Anything Media, is a strategic marketing professional with more than 15 years of experience in B2B, B2C and startups, combining digital, social media influencer, and digital marketing and content strategy expertise to improve and build profiles and company awareness, right? She's an early adopter of blogging and personally a social influencer for national and local brands. That's very exciting. And you and I have been working together since oh, 2013?

Kristen:

At least, yeah, it's crazy.

Dorien:

So that's really, really, really, really crazy. So we're going to jump right into imposter syndrome. You and I were having a conversation last week about me starting this show.

Kristen:

Right. And we were talking about what topic should we talk about? Right. And the first thing that came out of me was like, gosh, it's been so long since I've done blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure if I could really be qualified as an expert on that. And that, my friends, is exactly where the imposter syndrome came from. You and I have been doing this long before the majority of people in our industry have. I think I'm looking at 15 years at this point. 15 years ago, social media was not even a thing. Right? So why in the world, if I have 15 years of experience, would I even have an iota of imposter syndrome? Why?

Dorien:

But you do.

Kristen:

But of course I do.

Dorien:

Yeah. So what is imposter syndrome?

Kristen:

Every woman in the world does.

Dorien:

So what is imposter syndrome? I looked up, guys, I'm going to just read you the definition as I found on trusty Google. So imposter syndrome is loosely defined as "doubting your abilities and like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high achieving people who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments." So does that kind of go with what you...

Kristen:

Yeah. Well, and the other thing that we kind of talked about, it was 1978, which in the seventies is really when women reentered the workforce. Right? And again, imposter syndrome is largely a female thing. Right? And can I say my little quote?

Dorien:

Yes, please do.

Kristen:

So, one of my favorite memes that I saw on this topic was, "have as much confidence as a mediocre, middle aged white man". And it, if you stop and think about that, it is very true. It's also very well known that a woman, if she's looking at a job post, and again, don't come at me because I know some men have it, but it, again, it is largely a female thing. If you have a man and a woman looking at the exact same job posting, a woman will look at it and if there's 20 criteria, right? She'll go, Hmm, I've only got 15 or 16 of those, I'm not qualified. A man will look at it and say, I can do five of those. And I'm qualified. That's a huge discrepancy. So...

Dorien:

So how does this start? Where do we start? So, imposter syndrome is there, we want to get beyond it. You've kind of, I think, hit a really good point of the men versus women, how we look at it. A lot of us want to be perfect and want to have all of those qualifications. Right? And a lot of us are rule followers. I think that's another big piece in that- high achieving rule followers where as, say for example, now with a great resignation going on and people are looking for new jobs and, they might be looking at a job and they're like, well, I don't have this degree. Right? It is calling for a marketing degree, but I have a degree in education. And so women often will disqualify themselves. Why do we do this?

Kristen:

Absolutely. Yeah. I think it's... We were raised by boomers. And I think that there is those gender roles that we had to grow up with. So, the man is the breadwinner, et cetera, which again, that 1978 thing comes back into play, is that's really when women went back into the workforce, but the gender roles really haven't started changing. And by gender roles, I mean that as a married couple, or a couple or whatever, that you are equal partners, right? You're both going out to work. You're both having to take care of the kids. So I'm really hopeful that our kids' generation, the younger millennials and definitely Gen Z are not going to have this as much. Right? So I think we as parents have parented our kids a little differently, a lot differently, than our parents did us.

When we were growing up, the roles were traditionally you're a teacher, anything that was nurturing and homemaker-y, right? Whereas now we're like, you want to be a rocket scientist? Go be a rocket scientist. Find what you love to do. So I'm hoping that our kids' generation will not have it as much, but I see it sometime with my girls, my oldest, she sees that all of her friends post college are having their first real jobs, et cetera, and she's bartending. And I had to stop her in her tracks and go, you, my child, are making more money than they are bartending in Washington, DC. And guess what? You don't have to answer email on the weekend.

Dorien:

Right. Okay. You're right. So it's comparing yourself and living up to expectations that aren't really what we should. And you mentioned 1978, that was a study that was done when imposter syndrome first was mentioned. And I grew up in the seventies, like you did, seventies and eighties, and certainly what you just said held true for me. Right? So when I started my career, when I was 40, as a social media manager, I had been a stay at home mom for close to 15 years. And so I felt very much that imposter syndrome.

And so let's talk about how we move beyond that. What are resources, tools, how can we help each other as women, right? How can we lift each other up? And how can, if somebody's watching this and they recognize themselves in this, and they're like, okay, what Dorien and Kristen are saying, that's me. I totally recognize I'm immobilized with fear. I think I'm not good enough. I think I can't do it. How do we have, this conversation is a good one, but how can we move people to action, Kristen? What do you should suggest, how do we start with that?

Kristen:

I think a lot of self growth, reading, things of that nature. And I hate for it to sound this simplistic, but for me, it really is, is like, if you feel that way, fake it 'til you make it. What is the worst thing that's going to happen? Right? You might fail, but guess what? Even if you fail, you're going to learn from those failures. Right? And if it doesn't, what did I tell you last week? If it doesn't scare you, it's not going to challenge you. Every time I send out a proposal that is larger scope than the one before, I'm always nervous, but I've also taken on the, attitude of, I know my value and I'm still probably undercharging. I'm probably still undercharging for the level of knowledge and expertise that I have. However, when I send it out, I'm like, okay, they're never going to accept this, but I also have to talk to myself, I have to talk to the double in the room and go, what happens if they don't?q You move on. Right?

And you know that that just wasn't... It's like in the dating world, if somebody leaves, that was not your person. Whether it's, and I shouldn't say dating, in any kind of relationship, if the person leaves, that's not your person. Right? So if a prospect doesn't take your proposal, what's the saying? It's not rejection but protection. Right? So it's that whole, it wasn't meant to be. And I know that's kind of just a top of the surface attitude, but I think we get so bogged down in the, oh my, oh my God, oh my God, that we just have to, it's business. And I think unfortunately, a lot of women also take things personally. And that's a big thing. You can't take these things personally, it's business.

Dorien:

Right. So when I read your bio, and those of you who are just joining us right now, I'm talking to Kristen Daukas from Say Anything Media about kiss imposter syndrome goodbye. And you're a social influencer. And I think this is something that we struggle with, right? We're talking to an audience of social media professionals, business owners. And when I talk to potential clients, we talk about going out there and showing your expertise online, right? That's personal branding. And they tell me, I feel that imposter syndrome. Why would anybody want to know what I do in my private life? Why would anybody want to know that I'm a runner or I'm a marathon runner, I'm a skier, or I have four dogs, or...

That imposter syndrome even creeps into my own thoughts about doing social media, but it's all about putting yourself out there, correct? That imposter syndrome. And not being afraid to fail, but also being open to new ideas, new networking and new people. So how does that tie into social influencer? Because I'm assuming a lot of those people who are social influencers don't have a problem with imposter syndrome.

Kristen:

No, but they might. You'd be surprised. Because what we're seeing, again, is that surface value, right? We're seeing that face value. We're not seeing, and right now it's such an interesting world in the influencer marketing realm because everybody is in it. And it's just, we aren't seeing that it took them 25 shots to get the shot. Right? And I would imagine that there's probably a lot of imposter syndrome and probably a lot of self doubt in that world because there's so much competition, right? Especially on the beauty and entertainment side. Look at TikTok, it's so hard. It's easy to break through, but it's impossible to break through. Right? Because there's so much noise. So how do you then make sure that your stuff is quality stuff, right?

It's about quality, not quantity. So I've just recently started a 365 day challenge on Instagram. I have no idea what made me think of doing that. But I remember several years ago I did the hundred days of happiness, right? And I was like, why not? I have not been paying attention, I don't want to say I haven't been paying attention to my own brand, but I have not been giving it the love that it needs, right? And it's... Were you at the Converge South when Tracy Myers was the keynote and he has a book and it's called You Are the Brand, Stupid! That's the name of the book, and it's so true.

Dorien:

No, I was not, I don't think I was there for that one.

Kristen:

Yeah. So, it kind of goes along with Mark Schaefer's thing, your personal brand is very important. So, it comes back to the imposter syndrome, you've got to have confidence in yourself, right? And back to what I originally said, sometimes you "got to fake it 'til you make it". And what are your goals? If your goals are to get more, there's a couple of marketing groups that I'm in and it seems like at least two or three times a week, you've got a young, it's again, well, one of them is women in marketing, so it's all women, but somebody going I'm doing this, that, and this thing that you and I probably charge like five grand a month for, they're going, I'm charging 500 and you're like, oh my God, your time.

And going back to losing, if you don't win, I hate saying losing, if you don't win that big contract, you really aren't losing because you still have your time. And especially in what we do, time is money. We don't have widgets to sell. Right? We have our skills and our knowledge and our expertise and that right there, just because prospect A doesn't want it, prospect B may want it. And every time, and I think you and I have talked about this too, anytime the whole when do you raise your rates? The first time that somebody doesn't even bat an eye at the price you give them, and you go, okay, next time I'm kicking it up. I've already kicked up my strategy rate twice in the past year, year and a half that I've had my agency back open. So...

Dorien:

Yeah. So I want to kind of, this is a short show, guys, this is 20 minutes. I want to be able to offer value every week. So for those of us, and those are listening and watching right now or on the replay, Kristen, what are some ways that you have pushed yourself through that imposter syndrome, that feeling? And I know you already mentioned you had a women's group where you were in and another thing you mentioned, just doing it. But if you're doing that 365 days on Instagram, what made you actually do it? Is it just putting one foot in front of the other? Give us some practical advice that we can use. And for me, to start this show was just doing it and putting it out to the universe. I said, I'm doing it. And I posted it on social media, and boom, there I was. So I think those are some good ideas, but what else can people do, right. If they're feeling like, oh my gosh, I'm struggling so much.

Kristen:

So I think a big thing, and it was the Big Hurt, Frank Thomas, White Sox, one of my favorite all time, right? And this came up, Philip Oakley made this comment, and I don't think I even knew this story. Frank Thomas would never broadcast his resolutions and his goals. He would tell his now wife, his fiance. And I think it's important that you have your very tight circle of confidants and people that if you just internalize it, you're never going to do it. But if I tell you that I want to do X and it's almost like that unspoken accountability thing. So if you tell somebody and you, if you keep it inside, the universe doesn't know. But if you put it out into the universe, you have to follow up with it. When I was 21 years old, I moved to Chicago from North Carolina with nothing more than my car and my cat and my car packed full of all of my belongings.

I didn't have a job, I had a place to live, that's it. I could have backed out of that. But I had told so many people that I was going to do it. There was no way that my ego and my pride was not going to let me do it. And it was scary as crap, right? I mean, little Southern girl moving to Chicago. It was scary, but I did it. And you know what, when I did that, I knew I could do anything. And like I said, when I send out big proposals, I'm always nervous. It literally is that proverbial, pushing the button.

Dorien:

On the email to send the proposal, take a deep breath and just do it. Right?

Kristen:

And then you slam your clam shell and you run away and go, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Dorien:

I just did it. Yeah.

Kristen:

And then you wait. And then you're nervous and you're nervous. And then one of two things is going to happen. They're going to say yes. Or they're going to say no. Either way, guess what? You didn't die.

Dorien:

And you got an answer, right? I want to give another tip. Eat that frog, guys.

Kristen:

Yes, eat the frog.

Dorien:

So what helps eat me a lot is the thing that you dread the most, the frog, right? You don't to eat it. It's yucky. It's gross. Eat that first. Do that thing that you don't want to do first thing in the morning to get you past that imposter syndrome.

Kristen:

Yep.

Dorien:

And I think that's really helpful. Kristen, I have some rapid fire questions for you before you wrap this up. Start work late or leave work early?

Kristen:

I start work late and work late. I'm a nocturnal person.

Dorien:

Okay. Education or experience?

Kristen:

Experience.

Dorien:

Pep talk, or motivational quote?

Kristen:

Pep talk.

Dorien:

All right. Awesome. I love these. I thought these were very appropriate for what we're talking about, right?

Kristen:

I'm very much a rah, rah person. I'm like, go, go, go, go.

Dorien:

Right. And I'm going to share something personal for those of you who are watching. I struggle with imposter syndrome and I have struggled with it because I don't have a formal education beyond high school. And so here I am, right? Here I am as a social media strategist, running my own business. I'm making really good money, I'm working with big companies. And that was a big deal for me. But what I realized was all about competency. Right? I know what the heck I'm doing. And so that imposter syndrome sometimes creeps in, but then it's validated by some amazing clients who just keep hiring me and keep telling me that I'm doing a good job. So I'm right there with you, Kristen. I think a lot us struggle with this and we need to move beyond that. And one of the things that helps me is, like you said, that small close knit group of people, and I see them right here in the comments.

Heather is here, Lisa is here, Emma is here. These are people that are part of my tribe. These are people that when I have that imposter syndrome, they're the ones who jump in and you were there last week for me and that's how we got to this topic. So I want to see all of you succeed in business, right? If you feel like you are struggling with this big time, direct message Kristen Daukas on LinkedIn. Direct message me. Let's talk. We also have a brand new Facebook group. I'm going to put it up on the screen for those who are watching live. It's Strategy Talks Community on Facebook. It's brand new. Literally, there's two people in there right now, but I'd love for you to come, come talk to us. Every week we'll be adding new members in there and we can continue conversations that we're having here live, so would love for you to join that.

Each week I'll be back at 10:00 AM eastern time on Tuesdays with all of my colleagues. Guys, I have already booked seven, eight I think guests. We're going to talk about all things strategy and business and social media. And it's all about you. We want to help you move on to the next thing to be your best self in 2022. Thank you, Kristen. Just a quick reminder, where can people meet up with you?

Kristen:

Anywhere you can find my name, you can find me.

Dorien:

Okay. Kristen Daukas, D-A-U-K-A-S.

Kristen Daukas:

Everything is Kristen Daukas.

Dorien:

Yes. For those of you listening, it's Kristen with K-R-I-S-T-E-N Daukas, D-A-U-K-A-S. And she is Say Anything Media, we would love for you to connect with her. Thank you again, for those of you who joined us live for this first session of Strategy Talks, episode one, thank you for those watching the replay.

Don't forget to put replay right there in the comments so we know that you're watching that. And if you are listening to this podcast, thank you so much for being here, do not forget to subscribe. Kristen, I'm going to let you go. I know you and I are busy businesswomen. We probably have all kinds of meetings set up. Let's do it. Let's make 2022 the year that we are going to create bigger, better, and more beautiful things than we already have. And let's kick that and kiss that imposter syndrome goodbye. What say you?

My guest, Kristen Daukas, is a Digital, Social Media, and Influencer Marketing specialist, Content Creator, Speaker and Event Planner. She is the Founder and Chief Creative Officer of Say Anything Media.

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